Shame Part 2

Spoiler alert: it's not about how this took me two months to write....

New here? Let’s catch you up!

When we last left our anti-hero (yours truly) she had jumped across state lines (California to Nevada) after the shame-induced exodus from her first grown-up job as a catering manager at a boutique French hotel. Once there she found herself successful (but miserable) as an ad executive for the Reno Gazette-Journal (referred to by some disgruntled humans as the Reno Gazette Urinal.) Until serendipity stepped in: said Gazette was running a series of articles following one local young couple’s wedding plans: choosing the dress, the cake, the venue, and so on. Our ambitious (yet fantastically entrepreneurially inexperienced heroine- still yours truly) offered the couple wedding planning services in exchange for what she hoped would be the publicity needed to launch her event planning business.

WHEW You’re all caught up!

And now she will stop referring to herself in the third person…admittedly with difficulty…

Through the grapevine, I learned that the American Heart Association in Reno put on a huge fundraising event in the form of a tradeshow for all things wedding called the “Fantasy Wedding Faire”. I quickly volunteered to help them run their marketing in exchange for a free booth at the fair to promote my business- the newly named “Scene & Heard Productions”. (Oh and fun fact this was marketing in the social media Stone Age and I was on the cutting edge of it by utilizing the hottest social media platform around- MySpace! Yes, MySpace.)

I poured my heart and soul into my little booth at that fair- sourcing linens and draping to match my colors of lime green and black, hand painting three wooden circles to spell out “Scene & Heard”, gathering a portfolio of photos and paraphernalia, making brochures and stocking up on candy for giveaways. I even recruited my friend Vivian, someone hardworking and personable that I could trust to talk me up, and together with her and my husband we geared up for the big day.

By this point, one happy wedding client had turned into two then three then four. So I had a few weddings I could showcase to prospective brides.

I had mostly done “Day Of” coordination services which typically involved meeting with the couple a few times, creating a day of schedule, advising them on the sequence of events, and then being the day of person who coordinated all of the other vendors, took care of all of the little details and whatever else needed doing.  And “Day Of” services were fun BUT I was hoping to snag some more full-service wedding planning clients not just because it came with a bigger price tag but because it would give me the freedom to co-create and execute the whole vision including the overall look and feel and design of the event.

There was a wedding in my portfolio, for which I had rendered “Day Of” services but that had a great design so I would frequently show that one to those who stopped by the booth to show them what they could achieve with a professional designer and planner at the helm. 

Now, and this is key, at no point in time did I insinuate that I had created the look and feel of this wedding, but instead highlighted that this is what is possible with the help of a pro.

Unfortunately, the florist who had handled the design for this wedding didn’t see it that way. She interpreted the situation differently and accused me of taking credit for her work.

My initial reaction to this was shock and a desire to defend myself- I hadn’t done anything wrong! But she was so vehement in her accusation that I began to doubt everything. Why had I chosen to use this wedding for my portfolio if I hadn't designed it myself? What if on some level I had hoped people would associate me with the sophisticated and well-executed design? I could no longer be sure of my own intentions.

This turn of events especially hurt because I thought this florist and I were in a creative collaboration, I had even referred clients to her, and now she thought I was trying to pass off her work as my own. Ouch.

While she wasn’t the only florist in town, her years in the industry meant that I gave her opinion weight that she didn’t deserve. I imagined her bad-mouthing me to other vendors and trash-talking me to potential clients. 

Ultimately I couldn’t recover from this and her voice joined the chorus in my mind s(l)inging accusations as I attempted to build my business: you have no unique ideas, you’ll never be successful, you’re not good enough,la la la la la! 

Eventually, I learned to turn the volume down on this soundtrack but that’s a story for another time…